I am currently three months into the wild ride of fatherhood. And one thing became apparent very quickly: the scheduling caught me off guard. Every hour is now booked solid, and a tiny human holds the calendar.
The catch is that the person making the schedule is a tiny human who doesn’t understand the modern concept of a 9-to-5. This baby has decided that 2:00 AM is the perfect time for afternoon tea. And you just have to deal with it.
I can’t physically do for the baby what my wife can — biology dictates that. But I am around to help every single moment I possibly can. The result is a brutal equation: I have lost sleep, I have significantly less time, and I still have the same amount of things to do.
I’ve always been someone who cares about staying in shape and hitting goals. But now that I’m in the thick of the “fourth trimester,” I want to share my advice for other dads in this position who are trying to figure out how to keep their head above water.
Here is the hard truth about fitness and goals with a newborn.
1. Forget About “Progress”
If you have a newborn, your priorities are simple: the baby and your partner. That’s it.
If you want to put yourself first and work on your personal bests, I’m sorry to say it, but you had plenty of time to do that before the child arrived. That ship has sailed for now.
Now is not the time for:
- New, restrictive diets.
- An increased workout schedule.
- Signing up for a marathon.
If you try to chase “gains” right now, you will burn out, or worse, you will fail your partner when they need you most.
2. Embrace the “Maintenance Phase”
Does this mean you stop working out? Absolutely not. You need to move your body to keep your sanity. But you need to change the goalpost.
For now, the job is to hold steady. Improvement can wait.
You can still work out, but aim for half the time you used to. If you used to do an hour, do 30 minutes. And do it only when you feel good. If you’ve been up since 2 AM for that “afternoon tea” party, skip the gym. Sleep is more anabolic than deadlifts right now.
3. Take the Time Off (And Use It Wisely)
If you have the option to take leave when your child is born, take it. But don’t treat it as a vacation.
Use that time to understand what your wife is going through. Learn the brutal sleep/wake cycles. Understand the rhythm of your new household. Once you understand the chaos, you can start to think about how you work your life around it.
Personally, I had 4 weeks off. And I’d do it all the same again.
4. You Get Better at Handling It
People will tell you it suddenly “gets easier.” It doesn’t. You get better at handling it, and then you do it again, and again.
This is your life now. You need to figure out how to look after yourself, mostly so you’ve got the energy to be a good father.
The Bottom Line
Once your sleep comes back into an actual predictive schedule — and it will, eventually — then you can start to focus on “progress” again. You can sign up for that race or push for that PR.
Until then? It’s just maintenance. And honestly, keeping everything stable while raising a human is a massive achievement in itself.
Give yourself 12 months, if not longer, then start to think about yourself again.